Businesswoman explaining to colleagues during board meeting

The Secret of Leadership Development

Over the past few years HBR, Inc and McKinsey have all published articles on why leadership development frequently fails to deliver on its promises.
All three make a strong case against orthodox leadership development but fail to provide a clear, coherent answer to the question: How do we develop leaders?
All promote a focus on leaders’ current work challenges rather than scripted material and case studies. That makes sense and is the basis of coaching. It’s absolutely necessary, but far from sufficient.
So what’s missing that causes conventional leadership development to fail? What’s the secret?
Like any other activity, leadership has a very visible outer dimension which is generally distilled down to a series of outcomes and indicators of success: share price, profit, turnover etc. etc.
But that outer dimension cannot come into existence and fruition without a corresponding inner dimension. This is the inner world of thought, feeling and perception. In other words, everything begins with an idea, desire or vision. This is the secret.
The inner dynamics are causal, the outer phenomena are results, effects, outcomes.
So on this basis alone, answering the question: in which dimension will leadership development and intervention have most impact, becomes a no-brainer. It must begin with a focus on the leader’s inner dynamics of thinking and feeling.
This is where the action is and where the levers of change lie.
Leadership development has to begin with an ever deepening self-awareness and familiarity with our innermost faculties. In contrast to mainstream approaches, this has nothing to do with personality testing or knowing your strengths and weaknesses. It does not require any familiarity with neuroscience or fixing of mindsets. Rather, it develops a clarity of mind that enables the individual to observe their inner dynamics as they play out. This facilitates a degree of choice in behaviour which is simply not available through any other avenue.
Once leaders start to look inwards, the game changes through a realisation that much of what appears to be ‘out there’ is, in reality, a shadowy projection of what is ‘in here’. The focus shifts to the inner world which is infinitely easier to change than the circumstances you find yourself in. But only once you know how.
The immediate benefits of this Inside Out approach are twofold:
Clarity of thought
Emotional balance
These quickly enable you to:
clarify and communicate your vision to your followers
establish the culture you want for your people
delegate in the fullest sense of the word
meet the inevitable challenges you will encounter with resilience
Both the right material and 1-on-1 coaching are needed to provide the kind of leadership development that only a radical, inner shift of perspective and focus can deliver.

jurien-huggins-unsplash-Emotional Self Harm

Mental Self-Harm – 3 Ways We Abuse Ourselves

The concept of Self-Harm is generally confined to acts of physical self-abuse, but observation of our own inner dynamics, reveals the same phenomenon taking place mentally, well before it manifests in our behaviour.  It starts with mental self-harm

“Perhaps the most damaging way in which we use our imaginations against ourselves is through the creation of self-images that deny our full potential: I can’t do that; I don’t deserve this; they have all the luck.”

In this article we explore three ways in which all but the most self-aware and emotionally intelligent are constantly compromising their mental health by indulging in addictive, repetitive and habitual cycles of thinking and feeling:

1. Imagination

To illustrate how we abuse and inflict Mental self-harm on our imaginations, a thought exercise may help: Stop whatever you’re doing and look at all the man-made artefacts that you’re surrounded by: tables, chairs, buildings, computers, cars etc. Each of these began life in someone’s imagination as a thought. It was conceived as a concept in the womb of a mind – the imagination. In many cases these creations are the results of millions of human imaginations interacting over decades, centuries and millennia.

Our imaginations are, arguably, the single most powerful faculty that we are in possession of, to do with what we will. Your imagination is available to you at every waking moment of your life, to create whatever thought-form you desire, with no exceptions.

But, of course, your imagination doesn’t care how it’s used – it is just a tool. So when you use it to create scenarios in which you imagine yourself to be less than you are, this is problematic.

Using your imagination to create a self-image that is not professionally competent, in spite of your achievements, Imposter Syndrome, is a common form of abuse that most of us will experience.

Another is the creation of imagined situations that we fear – the worst case scenario – sometimes masquerading as planning. The continued imagination of these outcomes with their attendant feelings – worry or anxiety – has a causal link to depression.

But perhaps the most damaging way in which we use our imaginations to inflict mental self-harm against ourselves is through the creation of self-images that deny our full potential: I can’t do that; I don’t deserve this; they have all the luck.

2. Sympathy

Originally meaning affected by like feelings, Sympathy is the admission of others’ feelings into one’s own experience, rather like open guitar strings will vibrate in sympathy with a human voice. But the problem is fundamental: how can we ever be quite certain that we are feeling what the other is feeling? And even if we were able to experience another’s feelings, to what end?

A surgeon needs no personal experience of a heart attack to perform heart surgery. A psychologist need not be a psychopath to work with one. The fact that I cannot feel someone’s emotions does not mean that I don’t want to help them. That I am aware of their distress is enough to evoke a compassionate response.

Sympathy is an abuse of one’s own feeling system and can all too easily degenerate into ownership of, and responsibility for others’ challenges. This syndrome not only burdens the sympathiser with feelings they are not entitled to, it also interferes with the other’s ability to respond accordingly.

3. Criticism

Entertaining negativity about your circumstances, yourself and your relationships is another form of mental self-harm. The etymology of the word critic suggests a sense of separation into parts, and discrimination between those parts. Hence the symbology of the sword of justice. A similar metaphor is used with regard to the intellect which is intended to be sharp, as in a rapier wit.

So when the criticism is turned upon oneself, the sharp mind can inflict the most appalling damage on itself, reducing self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence, to ultimately create psychopathology.

Yet criticism of others, although superficially different, does not protect the critic who still chooses to immerse themselves in the negativity of their own creation. And, of course, if the criticism is projected, then the source is the same.

So why do we habitually engage in these practices that destroy our well-being? One answer is that the western system of education prizes the intellect above everything, and that little else gets a look-in.

And so, if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail… or rather:

If you live by the sword, you die by the sword.

Businesswoman Giving Speech On Business Meeting With Colleagues, Discussing Work Ideas And Projects, Making Presentation Standing In Modern Office. Teamwork, Entrepreneurship, Corporate Meeting

5 Ways To Deal With Redundancy Positively

Losing your job is difficult in any situation, especially in today’s economy. But, regardless, whether you are a highly educated senior executive or someone just starting their career is informed that they no longer have a job, it will shock them.

Many people will experience a period of grief following Redundancy. Some individuals are more resilient than others in dealing with this challenge. Supporting yourself through the tough time after Redundancy can be difficult.

“Many people will experience a period of grief following Redundancy. Some individuals are more resilient than others in dealing with this challenge. Supporting yourself through the tough time after Redundancy can be difficult.”

Therefore It is essential to

 

1. Understand what Redundancy is and is not!

The most important thing is to remember is that Redundancy is not a reflection of an individual’s abilities or work skills. Instead, redundancy results from companies assessing their ongoing organisational structure according to future direction and strategy.

Redundancy is a notice that a job and its duties are no longer needed. It is essential to be aware that this is not about an employee personally; this program results from downsizing organisations. The company may reduce its size or change its direction, including outsourcing various business functions.

2. It is essential to be aware of the different stages of grief.

It is essential to understand the various stages of grief that may follow the notification of a redundancy. One popular model is the “Dancing with Sarah” model, which is an effective way to help individuals step through their feelings following a redundancy. It focuses on the various emotions that people may feel following the event:

1. Shock

2. Anger

3. Resistance

4. Acceptance

5. Help

Each person will go through these stages at their own pace and may move back and forth between them before reaching “Acceptance” and finally seeking “Help.” Some people may stay in the “Anger” and “Resistance” stages for a more prolonged time than others. Other people may take longer to reach the acceptance stage than first expected. Many find it challenging to transition into the acceptance stage at first. If individuals can identify and label the emotions they are feeling, they are more likely to seek possible job opportunities that may be better suited to them.

3. Seek Professional Support!

Some people receive a customised outplacement support program from their job that suits their needs. Others may not receive any support at all, or the support they receive does not fit their needs. Following their redundancy, some people need ongoing help throughout the transition process. A period of Redundancy (and support) is more successful in securing a new job sooner. Accredited career consultants such as Optitude OCC specialise in tailored outplacement and transition programs that provide personal support during this challenging time. They act to boost your confidence and self-esteem and significantly increase your chances of finding a new job sooner.

4. Don’t wait!

Please do not make the mistake of waiting until you have received severance pay before looking for a new job! The recruitment process typically takes about twelve weeks, so it’s best to start looking right away. This timeline covers the different stages of applying for a job, from the application to the interview stage. Please note that this does not include the time it can take for an application to succeed. Given high unemployment rates, many people are looking for work, even if they don’t respond immediately. Therefore, if you are looking for a new job, you should search various sources for alternative employment (Never rely on a single interview)! This will improve your chances of finding a new position sooner and reduce the risk of being financially affected by redundancy.

5. Remain positive

Losing workmates and colleagues you have come to know well is daunting, and it is often difficult to remain positive when all of your friends are gone. Nevertheless, it is essential to maintain a positive attitude, as this will increase both your chances and speed of finding new future work opportunities.

It is only too easy to fall into the “victim” mindset where you ask yourself “, why me?”…..So!

!!Tough Love Warning!!

In the words of the speaker and author Mel Robbins

“You are never ever, ever, ever going to feel like doing the things you need to do to have what you want! You are always going to need to push yourself. You’re always going to need to parent yourself. No one is coming to tell you to apply for that job!”

Being positive involves having a good attitude, not being focused on what “comes next.” You can maintain a positive outlook by Following Optitude’s 5 Commandments of the job search. These commandments are like Lighthouses! Follow them to a bright future or break yourself against the rocks on which they sit. Your choice?

Optitudes 5 commandments of Redundancy are as follows:

1. “My position at work was made redundant – Not me as an individual – I refuse to feel sorry for myself as this is a wasted emotion.”

2. “I will be highly proactive in my job search, focusing on both the “passive” and “active” Job Markets.

3. “I will proactively and thoroughly research new jobs, opportunities, companies and industries online.”

4. On notice of redundancy, I will act as if I want to keep my job until the bitter end, leaving with pride, dignity, and a good reference. (Warning! You may feel tempted to tell your boss some “home truths” at the end! Very simply, please don’t do it!)

5. If I am no longer employed, I will continue to operate as if I am employed. Why? Because finding a job is a full-time job!. I will wake up at the same time each morning, rise, shower, dress for work, do my regular tasks, and work to a to-do list in my Job search.

Understanding redundancy and the stages you may go through will help you be more resilient if and when it happens. It is important to remember that you and only you can choose your reaction to redundancy. The decision to make it a positive experience or an unfavourable one is solely in your hands! I Advocate picking the former.

Think about redundancy as an opportunity to open your eyes to new possibilities, as this will ensure that you get the most out of your situation. In addition, the transition period is an opportunity to find an ideal career, learn new skills and build new relationships. By remaining positive and looking at all options resulting from Redundancy, you will get the best possible outcome for yourself and your career.

pexels-riccardo - Summit Syndrome

Summit Syndrome & Three Ways to Beat it

The term Summit Syndrome was coined by George D. Parsons and Richard T. Pascale in their 2007 HBR article Crisis at the Summit.

In it they describe the feeling of emptiness that can immediately follow the attainment of a hard-won goal – a success – particularly in terms of career progression, promotion and getting to the top of the ladder.

This experience is widespread in the corporate world, if not in magnitude (we’re not all CEOs), certainly in character – it can just as easily apply to the successful completion of a project. It may also lie behind the difficulties some top sports stars experience after winning everything in sight, but ultimately being faced with the prospect of never winning again.

In work, it is all too easy to divert one’s attention from the lack of meaning derived from a particular initiative by immediately embarking on another. The problem is, this strategy is not sustainable – sooner or later the individual will have to come to terms with their deferral. Some only do this when it’s too late.

“The term Summit Syndrome was coined by George D. Parsons and Richard T. Pascale in their 2007 HBR article Crisis at the Summit”.

So here are 3 ways to help us pre-empt this debilitating syndrome, replacing it with a healthy sense of meaning and fulfilment.

1. Get Real About Your Purpose

Your purpose is not to climb the ladder, earn a living, get famous, be the best parent, or anything that gets judged by an external frame of reference. They will all enslave you, firmly and unrelentingly, to the activity required to achieve them. And they all have a sell-by date, beyond which they become meaningless.

Instead, acknowledging that the purpose of life is to live – as vacuous as that may sound – at least brings one’s attention to the present moment, the only point in time with any and all life in it. Even the idea that there is no purpose at all can achieve the same, providing it doesn’t equate with the far more destructive idea that life isn’t worth living.

For supporting evidence, just watch children at play and observe where their attention is and what they are aware of. Regrettably, most of us have this presence knocked out of us early on as Philip Larkin describes in This Be The Verse.

2. Beat Summit Syndrome by Doing What You Want

What else can you do? The challenge is to get clarity on what you really want – not in a sex, drugs and rock n’ roll’ way, but in a way that aligns with your integrity (wholeness), your skills, wisdom and environment.

When you are true to that inner guidance, meaning is not constrained to an outcome – it is found in each moment of life. So life becomes an experience in its own right, not a means to a vainglorious end. It also protects against the seductive allure of acting according to other’s wants, if only to avoid conflict or criticism.

In fact, fear is the greatest inhibitor to doing what you truly want as you confront the spectres of poverty, opposition, failure and derision.

The intention behind Do what you want is not to be confused with that of a similar dictum – Do what thou wilt – that has been appropriated by various groups to justify suspect activities.

3. In Order to Beat Summit Syndrome – Deliver Your Value

In terms of one’s mundane purpose, whatever that is, by far and away the best strategy is to get out there and deliver it. Most of us pay too much attention to how it will be received, or what we will get in return – something we have no control over. Consequently, many of us have suppressed this value to the point of forgetting it, as J.K. Simmons discovers in Up In The Air:

We have far more discretion over what we put out, and that is exactly the best focus for our efforts.

Delivering what we naturally gravitate to, what we love to do and what enlivens us, is the only sure-fire way to fill our lives with meaning, purpose and achievement. Then, and only then, does the path we take become an integral part of our lives, not just a means to reaching another goal.

So, in summary, clarifying your purpose, doing what you love and getting that out to the world will ensure that the path that you take is as worthwhile as the destination – in fact, much more worthwhile than any summit.

Ego

Ego: The Enemy of Good Leadership

Ego, Why is it Important?  Picture the following scenario. The company is falling apart and its survival is in the balance. It has:

Investment, Technology, Markets, Expertise, Experience, Prospects, Good People…

Basically, everything it needs to succeed. And yet it may not. Why?

The reason is quite simply ego. The shareholders, chairman and chief exec are all at war with each other. They have seen eye-to-eye on much, but disagree on some important issues and cannot – will not – find any accommodation, compromise, or entertain a meeting of minds. The deafening mantra behind all their communication is:

I’M RIGHT – YOU’RE WRONG

And when your identity is invested in knowing what you are talking about – being successful, being the expert and being right – when that is challenged it generates an existential crisis. Your very being is threatened. So you fight and you fight for your life to protect the priceless, sacred ideas that you hold about yourself. It’s a nasty business.

The good news is that none of it is real. All of this is ego – just an accretion of vapid thoughts and feelings that we have about ourselves. It has no substance and no actual reality. But it can cause havoc in our relationships in direct proportion to the degree to which we identify with it. It is, without doubt, the biggest barrier that any of us have to fulfilling our true potential.

The irony is that in protecting itself, the ego destroys communication, relationships and even businesses – and for what? The privilege of being seen to be right.

Fortunately, in the real-life example above, the egos are high-profile – easy to spot and not difficult to manipulate (unless you have a big ego yourself). Some others are more difficult to see as they can appear utterly reasonable and in tune with our own ego.

Here are caricatured examples of some of the ideas (beliefs) which the individual invests their identity in, to create an ego in the process:

I’m Right – As above. Whether it’s through reason or feeling, you know you’re right. You have the intellect and experience and you will overcome any arguments to the contrary. If it’s a strong feeling you have, you will justify it with logic.

I’m Nice – You really want to be liked and will avoid confrontation to maintain the feeling of being a nice person. You simply can’t abide the thought of anyone not appreciating your efforts to accommodate and value them.

I’m Fair – Even if it means upsetting someone, you have to do the right thing. You have a keen sense of morality and could not live with yourself if you abandoned your principles just to keep someone happy or make things work better.

I’m Successful – Your status and success say it all. You have the car, the clothes and the lifestyle to prove it. Why would anyone challenge you when you are evidently more successful than those around you?

I’m The Boss – You’ve worked tirelessly to get where you are today and you have no desire to relinquish that hard-earned status. You don’t really care what people think, you’re paid the big bucks to make decisions and you carry the can.

I’m The Owner – It’s all very well for others to have an opinion but when all is said and done, it’s your business and you’re the one with everything to lose if it goes down the pan. You may listen to others but they’ll never really get what being the owner means.

I’m Surrounded By Idiots – If you’d known what a bunch of losers you’d end up with, you’d never have employed them in the first place. But if you can just keep them on the right track for a little longer, you’ll be able to sort things out – just not right now…

In practice our egos are a mashup of all or some of the above and many other beliefs too.

Let’s just make one thing clear: egos are not inherently bad. Many would assert that it is part and parcel of being human and that operating without an ego of some sort is simply not possible. So, we’re not talking about eradicating the ego.

We need leaders to look inwards and start to recognise some of the belief systems that underpin the egos they carry around with them. In fact, all of us need to do just that.

Only when you can start to perceive ego as your own construct can you begin to operate beyond it, rather than hanging on to it as if your life depends on it.

Modern Corporate Meeting Concept. Young Businessman In Medical Face Mask Giving Speech During Meeting With Coworkers In Office, Standing At Table In Board Room, Explaining Strategy And Management

The Top 4 Choices Of Emotionally Intelligent Leaders

The Top 4 Choices Of Emotionally Intelligent Leaders: Leaders exhibit a wide spectrum of behaviour and development. All too frequently, seniority appears to be more a function of ambition than competence. Emotional Intelligence is one such competency that can be worryingly underdeveloped even at the highest levels – perhaps due to the challenges inherent in not just defining and measuring it, but actively developing it in leaders.

“As a senior partner of a large consultancy commented: “I’m aware that how I walk through the office in the morning can set the mood for the rest of the day.”

In this article, rather than trying to chase definitions and reduce EI (or is it EQ?) to a series of parameters with no agreed units of measurement, we’ll examine the top 4 choices of strategy  adopted by emotionally intelligent leaders:

1. Deliverables First, Receivables Second

Although JFK’s somewhat overused dictum:

“Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.”

reflects noble altruism, it is also highly practical. It is far easier to exercise control over, shape and develop what you bring to the world, than what you take from it. Emotionally intelligent leaders know that however seductive the rewards of work might be, focusing on delivering your organisation’s value to market has to be its priority – that, after all, is its purpose – not the collection of revenues.

They also experience that the more emphasis they place on delivering real value, the more easily income flows in return.

2. The Temporary Suspension of Judgement

The ability to suspend and bypass one’s critical faculties is valued by emotionally intelligent leaders. In doing so they can connect fully with their colleagues, listen attentively and allow curiosity to guide them to greater clarity. Listening to learn, rather than waiting to rebuff, is the strategy.

This meeting of minds creates empathy and facilitates creativity – it’s a divergent process that welcomes new possibilities. It is the antithesis of our overused faculty of discrimination which, rather like a sharp knife, dissects and divides. Sitting on the fence is the best place to see both sides clearly before deciding which to choose.

Of course both these faculties of mind have their place, but when one dominates, emotional intelligence suffers.

3. A Focus on Behaviour Over Words

Emotional Intelligence is a consequence of self-awareness which aligns what we say with how we behave. When there is a disconnect between speech and action, it erodes trust, communication and relationships.

Ultimately it is action that speaks louder than words, and it is the actions and behaviour of leaders that shape organisational culture to a far greater extent than the words they use.

As a senior partner of a large consultancy commented: “I’m aware that how I walk through the office in the morning can set the mood for the rest of the day.”

Emotionally Intelligent leaders tend to speak less and listen more, as a result of this insight. Or as Lao Tsu put it:

A leader is best when people barely know he exists, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say: we did it ourselves.

4. A Healthy Aversion to Beliefs

Of the top 4 Choices of strategy, the final one is key! What we believe, we invest our identity in – we give it life. The problem is that what I believe, you may not – a familiar scenario, independent of evidence and proof. Emotionally intelligent leaders get this, and rather than investing their being in ideas, develop wisdom through experience. In this way they neither accept nor reject a hypothesis until it has been tested.

Paradoxically, this approach puts believers and non-believers in the same category: they both believe – one in something, the other in nothing. Both exclude the alternative. The faithful and the atheist alike pin their faiths to different masts – whereas the emotionally intelligent admit their ignorance, and content themselves with simply not knowing.

Not knowing leaves the mind open to new perspectives – knowing shuts it down.

In making these four choices, the emotionally intelligent leader is aware of working against their own habits and reactive urges, to establish a clearer, calmer and more balanced response to the shifting world around them.

This work is inner and personal and often invisible – the results are for all to see.

pexels-cottonbro-Resigning from your job with dignity and pride

How to Resign From Your Job With Dignity and Pride!

Congratulations! You have just been offered a fantastic new job, but there is just one problem; you need to resign from your current position. Maybe you liked your job, and you will miss working there. But, on the other hand, perhaps you hate it and are counting the days till you can leave for good.

“The exit interview is a business formality that should not be treated as a therapy session. When Human Resource professionals ask why you are leaving, give upbeat answers

My clients often tell me they are nervous about telling their boss they want to quit since they worry
the boss will be angry at them. In addition, they feel guilty about leaving the work they have done behind or that someone else may have to take over while they are gone. Nevertheless, when asked if they think how they resign from a company might influence their careers in the future, they act surprised when I tell them a simple resignation notice could affect their career in the future. It is essential to get it right.

10 Tips to Resign with Grace, Style & Dignity

1. Follow your company’s written policy regarding notice. Every so often, my clients feel sorry for their former colleagues. So, they stick around an extra week (or even an extra month). Inevitably, they begin to feel like a fifth wheel. Nearly everyone says, “Next time, I’m leaving right away!”

  1. After you leave, do not accept any job-related calls from your company unless you have a written consulting contract. It’s essential to give the notice the company requests. If your boss miscalculates your notice period and asks for extra time to ensure a smooth transition to your successor, it’s their responsibility to pay for that extra time. Your boss made a business decision requiring “x” weeks’ notice. If the amount of time needed for a smooth transition is underestimated, it is up to them to pay for the extra time.
  2. Study your current and future employer’s policies regarding disclosure of information and non-compete agreements. Some companies are highly protective of their process and employees. For example, you may have to leave the office immediately once you resign. Additionally, your new company may ask you not to work for your former employer, even on a part-time basis.
  3. It is always best to resign in person. A telephone conversation is second best. Regardless, you must keep your resignation confidential until the deed is done! Although challenging, resist the temptation of sharing your thoughts even with your closest companions.
  4. Expect your boss to act professionally. My clients often voice concern about what their boss will say or do, but bosses rarely are caught by surprise. Good bosses are happy when their employees advance in their careers. Thank your boss for the opportunity to learn more for encouraging you to make a great career move.
  5. Even if you hate your boss and coworkers and are looking forward to leaving, be sure to thank them. You may look back on the experience with fondness, or you may meet them at conferences or networking groups. You will almost certainly need strong references from them.
  6. If you get a counteroffer, turn it down!. A common statistic shared across industries is that 70% of those who accept the counteroffer leave in six months. If you decide to stay, get a written job contract. Why is this statistic so high? Once the psychological contract is broken with your employer, it is hard to repair. I describe the Psychological contract that we hold with work as a bone china vase. Once broken, it is hard to repair and never looks as good as it once did when it is fixed. Some of my current career consulting clients have previously accepted counteroffers but have quickly been reminded of why they initially sought to leave.
  7. The exit interview is a business formality that should not be treated as a therapy session. When Human Resource professionals ask why you are leaving, give upbeat answers: “for a better opportunity.” Mention how much you loved the company and your job. If your comments get mangled or misinterpreted in any way, you never know where they will turn up. My best advice is to take the time to think through what you are going to say.
  8. As tempting as it may be, don’t tell anyone about the details of your new job during your notice period. Many of my clients have said that they have been encouraged to share the details of their future positions whilst working notice at their current firms. Over the years, I have heard many reasons and excuses for this behaviour? Nevertheless, it is wise to keep your new employment details confidential, even from your closest colleagues at work.
  9. Focus on your new opportunity – not your past experience. Once you have left, you’re history. The very same folks who love to meet you for lunch will hardly remember your name a week later. If you haven’t changed jobs in a while, you may be in for a shock when starting your new role. Be prepared! Your first day on the job can be a real eye-opener, hopefully in a good way.